A fine sunny day here. It looks like our lawn may be all moss this spring, which is fine by me. It’s soft and green and Dot likes to roll in it like a big eared donkey. Crocuses are lovely but there is not anything else of much color but green. In Seattle the daffodils are up and smiling like ripe bananas but I’ve seen hardly a one around here. The wind is dying down and the seas have calmed. There are plenty of sticks on the ground for a dog to prance around with, then lay down on the porch and chew. Which is good, and much better than eating rocks.
I made the mistake of listening to “The Daily” podcast today and then listened to all the newscasts and took a deep dive into the twitterverse which was a total mistake as far as my mood was concerned. By noon I was pretty bleak. I wanted to stomp on my computer and burn the pieces then throw the melted ash blobs down on the beach. I won’t go into details as to why… lets just say I was feeling bad about the future. Truthfully I felt like some old fruity southern Belle having the vapors. The world just seemed to be going to shit. I needed to take my own advice and stop worrying so fucking much.
So, I got back up on my horse. I remembered I could still do something to fend off despair. I could MAKE A LIST… you may be one of these people… or know one of these people. List makers take pride in writing down things to do and crossing things off. I have found ways to cheat at this BUT I DON’T CARE! While going around taking care of things on my list I might discover other things that need doing and I will quickly do those things, then I will retroactively add those things I have already done to my list and check them off. I know… it’s pathetic and somewhat self indulgent. BUT I DON’T CARE! These are perilous times.
For example I had on my list this morning:
Call my sister.
Do dishes.
Do laundry.
Call the Veterinarian re: Dot’s bladder infection.
Write to other sister.
Answer query from young student about one of my poems.
Record reading.
Blog.
So, when I was helping Jan put Dot’s Kennel in the car so she could take D. for a ride, I noticed that the recycling needed to be cleaned up and sorted out in the kitchen. I did that, I added that to the list and immediately crossed it off, then called my sister Martha and talked with her.
List making is a depressive’s oldest tactic and today I used it. Big time. The only problem with lists when you are trying to stop drinking or are in recovery it doesn’t really work for NOT doing things. I tried it:
Six AM Don’t drink
Six-02. Don’t drink
Six- 05 Don’t drink
See? Not really the same thing. I did write a long list out like this one time just to keep myself busy but it got pretty creepy in a kind of Shineing-ish kind of way.
But I do feel better about putting things that need doing on lists and checking them off. This may not be helping the economy and yes, I may be a fucking pollyanna when it comes to saving capitalism, but put me in the “If I can not get anyone sick and die by staying inside then I’d rather do that than worry about my retirement fund right now.” column. Count me with the ones who know what works.
Anyway…. Keep your chins up. I promise I won’t listen to the news tomorrow. Here is a recording of me reading the beginning of chapter six of What Is Time To A Pig?
Mussel shells on the moss
and a black dog eating them,
Crows laughing at us.
jhs
