Some fog, some high clouds, then the sun burns through into a beautiful autumn day. Temperature in the mid fifties, and not a fire burning within two thousand miles. A slight breeze coming in from the west off the Pacific. Lovely, and lucky. Today I took Jan in to her therapy session and then invited dogs and their humans to the dog park, which turned out perfectly because the weather was so good. Ted and his Goldendoodle Nika showed up as well as Christine and Dot’s best bud, Oscar turned out as well, so too a new comer named Mookie, the most beautiful small lab I have ever seen. I wasn’t introduced to her human but he seemed very nice as well.

Jan came back from therapy with her walker and decided to frolic with everyone. We had a lovely time. She and I were both very happy. I was happy to see Jan so happy talking with everyone, human and canine and walking so well with her walker.

Dot of course is a nine month old Beauceron . Her buddy Oscar is a Corgi, Husky, Rottweiler? mix from the Bethel area up north. Oscar is about a year and a half, weighs about 14 pounds is about 12 inches at the shoulder and Dot is about 25 inches and weighs about one hundred pounds. But they play hard together. With never a fight or problem. Sometimes Dot runs over Oscar. But both have the same temperament, trading off dominating and submitting. When Oscar gets tired of being run over or rolled over. Dot lays down and just offers up her throat and belly allowing Oscar to jump all over her biting and nipping then Dot wrestles on her stomach to make a game of it. Then they run around and chase each other. Catching each other and allowing each other to be caught. If Oscar gets hurt by Dots size she just stops playing and Dot licks Oscars face or pouts until Oscar is ready. If Dot is really wound up. Oscar finds a small place to craw under where Dot can’t get to him until he is ready to play again then usually Dot will submit to him first thing, by way of apology.

How to maintain a relationship when the rules are submission and dominance and the basic skills/tools: weight and size are so differently distributed.

Of course humans too have the same issues. I won’t go into details with all the people at the dog park, just to say that I know that Jan was self conscious about showing up for the first time with a walker, but she was great, mostly because she can move so much faster with it, because she has more confidence that she won’t fall, having something to hold on to. That confidence simply overwhelmed the stigma of having the thing in the first place, because, I think, moving so slow was stigma enough.

But aside from disability just regular old nerotic self consciousness. is always part of the human condition. What if we human’s had to work it out like dogs. “Oh that guy is so fit and handsome, I bet he procreates a lot more than I do…. better go pee on his mate.” It might lead to more fights, but if we just had the fights and then “just let them work it out” as they say at the dog park, maybe we would and we would have fewer pent up hostilities and maybe fewer really aggressive problems.

As long as dominant males weren’t allowed to carry guns at the play fields.

Watching dogs who get along then watching two people get along it’s fun to make comparisons in body language. Eye contact, among dogs is often seen as intimidation. What about with humans? Are we saying step back from me? Are we saying, I want to communicate something intimate? I think they can often be the same thing. I know that after I have punished Dot she will not look me in the eye. She makes a point of looking the other way. She clearly feels that direct eye contact is too intimate for someone who hurt her or someone she is mad at, or so it seems to me.

All of this is complicated business. The proof is in the pudding and good dog trainers seem to be able to communicate well with their dogs. Some people cannot communicate with their human mates when it should be easy… or at least much easier than with their dogs. I think some of that is easy to understand. Some people just really, really want to communicate with their dogs and not with their mates. Even if they don’t want to admit it, and having met more irredeemable human beings than irredeemable dogs I can understand why.

Me? I want to communicate with both. There is more at risk when communicating with your mate. For men you might expose yourself as a misogynist fat-head or a jerk. For women its just easier to love dogs. They are cleaner for one thing and with a dog no matter what you have done, if you can find love in your heart, any love, for any thing and just sit down next to the dog for a few minutes, you are way more likely to be fully forgiven within twenty four hours. Admit it, that’s kind of the nice thing about dogs.

But… and this took me a long time to learn. If you are a man, and you find a woman who really loves dogs and you can get her to love you as much as she loves a dog, don’t, don’t, don’t think you have devalued yourself. If she loves you that much that means, in her eyes you are heart breakingly loyal and steadfast. This is the stuff of legend my man. You are also tender, with an almost telepathic sense of understanding. Also legendary. . You are guarentieed more sex than James Bond, brother. Do not under estimate the quality of dog love. Knowing when to be submissive, and knowing when to be dominant, you can make mistakes like barfing on the rug, but if you keep that loving quality in your eyes and keep barking at the assholes who come around, you will have it made. Trust me on this.

Cool autumn weather

tiny apples in the grass.

My hands up your shirt.

jhs

Here is a recording of me reading the opening of Dennis Lehane’s Mystic River: