Rain today. And it feels good. I can almost hear every blade of grass taking tiny little sips.

There was no great storm, just soft rain falling at about nine o’clock yesterday continuing all day today. Light winds but nothing that would drive a fishing boat in. The leaves on the cherry tree seem a darker green today and a bit more robust, though that could just be my imagination.

Spent a lot of time reading this morning. Crime stories and taking notes for my new book. I am reaching there end of my “stareing out the window” stage of book planning. It’s a long awkward part of research. I can’t really talk about the book with other people because the story is so gelatinous at this stage if I get one weird look after talking about it the whole thing might just fall apart in a spoon. But now, the egg has a shell and I can take it out of the glass. I know what it is, now the hard part…. growing the bones and making a living breathing thing.

Dot had a dog come over today. Kituusit is a male Border Collie. (his name is Yupik for “what’s your name?) his human being is an old friend name Galen Paine, who was my Boss at the Public Defender, forever ago. Galen and I sat out of the rain, watched the dogs frolic and talked about old friends, crimes, dominance and passivity, books and mostly about how complicated dogs are. It was quite enjoyable, and it certainly tired Dot out.

One question I didn’t ask but have been thinking about lately, Are human men hard wired to be dominant in social situations the way some dogs are clearly dominant?

Now you might be thinking… Jesus John… please don’t go into this! We don’t need to contemplate testosterone, and estrogen levels, we don’t have to talk about gender fluidity, nature and nurture and the societal impact on hormone production.

No… I don’t need to parse out the entire argument. But…we know some dogs who clearly have to dominate the field. Some who are clearly passive. We had a lab who would lay down and let the littlest dog of either sex walk up and hump her. She would also cower and run from the little Korgi who ruled the roost in our neighborhood. Dot just wants to play right now. If the dogs wants to dominate her she will do that for a while, then when that gets boring Dot will shove the dominant dog around. The advantage, probably of being a hundred pound puppy and all muscle. There are other dogs of every size, who will not let any other dog, into their yard without their permission, Snarling,biting, banging the intruder around. A pure, true dominant.

Where I have seen this kind of human behavior most clearly was among prisoners. There are a few pure dominant prisoners who survive in jail. They are usually very physical and very, very tough.

This is a disgusting story but it is illuminating for how closely related prison life can be to dog behavior. Years ago, I worked for the lawyer who represented a man who was found guilty of a homicide in a home invasion burglary with his girlfriend. Once he was caught here in Alaska, he confessed to another murder of a former cell mate. He killed his former cell mate with a claw hammer. Our client was very much in love with his girlfriend. He let her pick out the house they were going to rob in Alaska. They broke down the door, stabbed the single owner to death and stole his VHS tape player, leaving a considerable amount of cash in his bedroom drawer. Pre trial our client and his girlfriend in the same prison facility. Once he was out in the exercise yard, and he caught sight of his GF in the windows of the jail. He waved and caught her eye. Our guy stood out in broad daylight wilh all the other inmates, he dropped his pants, maintained eye contact with her, and masturbated to completion, while everyone stood by, not saying a thing, no teasing, no snitching each one of them acting like nothing was happening. This was was quite a jail yard display of dominance .

He got 99 years, and a bunch more stacked on that for everything the judge could think of.

Now clearly men like that are pretty rare. Or are they? It seems that our President does not allow anyone to challenge him in his dog park. He sexualizes most females . There are clearly dominant women who will stand up to him, but culture appears to be undecided in how to think of dominant women. Hillary Clinton somehow failed a litmus test. I voted for her and I would again, but she has has many unfavorables now among a large part of our country, and even though it was clear that the most competent candidates this year were women the Democrats nominated a man…. who I will support and vote for by the way.

I guess my question is, and this is not rhetorical, do we consider kindness, and a default toward, generosity and happiness, a weakness? Do we so long for strength of conviction that we have made kindness a fatal flaw? Have we entered the age of Bullies?

We will have to see. I love to see politicians showing real graciousness to people with problems. Acknowledging difficulty and showing empathy. Yet so often, particularly if it’s implied that that empathy comes at a cost for others… that kindness is portrayed as weakness. We so want effectiveness and retribution that do we run the risk of losing kindness?

I don’t know. I just know, I have been thinking about it a lot as I watch dogs play and listen to the political rhetoric. I think of my old clients. I think of myself, my father and his need to control, often with good intentions, but often very authoritarian. Often taking on too much for himself. Hoarding the individual responsibility. This is what I think of, sharing the pain. Sharing the love, Shareing the wealth. Or is this just my weakness talking?

Drops dripped from the eve

where I found a dead songbird

under the window.

jus

Here is a recording of me reading from How The Light Gets In by Louise Penny.