I’m just back from a trip to Sitka. Jan wasn’t feeling up to the travel and I didn’t want to be gone too long so I went back to my old stomping grounds for only two days to celebrate my old boss’s installation onto the Supreme Court of Alaska bench. There was a wonderful and heartfelt ceremony held at the Alaska Brotherhood Hall plus a reception and party at a club downtown. The Brotherhood hall is a very historic center of the Alaska Native Brotherhood, there were lots of speeches where many judges including the Supremes gave there kind observations of my friend Jude Pate’s ascension to the High Court. I read Ask Me, which is my favorite poem by William Stafford. After the reception there was lots of music. My old band the Big Fat Babies played one song we wrote for Jude and then Jude’s band, The Glorious Youth Parade, played a long and raucous set. We ate oysters on the half shell and fresh caught salmon. It was a fine time.

Our Old House… taken from the porch of my former office.

I slept three nights in my old office. The weather was calm but cloudy with just a bit of rain. I borrowed a car from a friend. I saw many of my old friends and took care of some chores I still needed to do in Sitka.

I was almost overcome with nostalgia by being back at my old home place. I visited with Nancy Ricketts who lives in the Pioneer’s Home, where she has a lovely room on the third floor. My friend Manoj organized a dog party which was a tradition of ours. Manoj even made his spicy Biscuits and Gravy which we ate around our gas heaters under the covered porch. There was a rowdy game of Dog Bocce which began with the usual half an hour discussion of the rules. The Dogs are aloud to play in Dog Bocce mostly because there is no stopping them once the first ball is thrown out on the lawn.

Jude and one of his former Court Clerk named Al.

Jude is living most of the time in Juneau now because the supreme court does not have quarters for him in Sitka. Most of the Big Fat Babies no longer live in Sitka. Some of my best friends have died and Nancy Ricketts is 98 years old.

Even though I felt a loving feeling for my old home, I realized that my current place in Carmel, California is my nes home now. Home is with Jan and Finn , Emily and Arthur. Almost every person in Sitka asked me how I liked California, and I said I still missed the wild country and our old waterfront house, but there was a lot of good to be said about California: Climate, Culture, Medical Services, Bobcats on the trail and little lizards running in the dust. I don’t like the traffic down here but every place that hasn’t been paved over in California is still brimming with beauty.

I had to hold back tears when I left the Pioneer’s Home in Sitka. Nancy Ricketts is the daughter of the famous Edward Ricketts of Monterey California. I helped her with the first volume of her memoir and she tells me that I’m going to have to put together the second volume when she is gone. Though she has some short term memory problems now her mind is still sharp when it comes down to the important things. Jan and I talk with her on the phone about three times a week. And she still reads the history of Monterey books we send her every month. She is aa good friend and a smart woman. We miss her terribly when we are apart.

Nancy Ricketts in her room at the Pioneer’s Home. The portrait on her left is an original charcoal drawing of her father, Edward F. Ricketts, who some say is the true father of “Deep Ecology” and was definitely a hero to John Steinbeck.

Thomas Wolfe was wrong. You can go home again, but you may not belong there anymore. By the time I rocketed down the short runway leaving Sitka at six in the morning I was beginning to think that maybe I didn’t belong in Sitka, Alaska anymore. While I love it still, it is not a good spot for an old man like me. Things change, like my own health, and the death of friends certainly, but also the birth of new people like Arthur. His appearance in the world changes things for Jan and me. But also the newness of the adventure of being in a new place changes the feeling of being in one place for a long time. Adventures make you feel brand new and can turn your eyes toward the future. I fully expected to die in Sitka, but now I’m not thinking about where I’m going to die…. I’m thinking of where I’m going to live, and what I will see in the time I have left: Bob cats on the berm, lizards in the dust, dogs rolling in the long dry grass, and a baby boy growing up, is more than enough right now, more than the constant and familiar. A new home is an adventure. A new home is a gift one doesn’t always get.

Here is an old poem I wrote long ago when It first occurred to me that I may not have one permanent home any more.